Kuaile from Singapore asks
Hi everyone. I am a asian girl from Singapore. I had worked for Americans here and is rather familiar with their styles of working. I also had an American boyfriend a few years ago. Now, I am dating a french man. He is very successful and is holding a very important position in a french company.
I realized my french boyfriend, perhaps due to language issues (he is not very fluent in English), finds it hard to express what he is trying to say. I find it difficult to acertain between a positive or negative remark from him, whether he is happy or unhappy. We are together for about 1.5 months and we have been very intimate (no physical sexual activity yet), but we kiss passtionately.
However, he has never called me "dear" or "honey" unlike my ex-american boyfriend. We do not speak on the phone everyday, we meet only once or twice a week. But we try to sms one another everyday, even if is a short one-sentence message.
We have not introduced ourselves to one anothers' friends yet. But he did tell me once or twice that, we wish that we can stay together next time and he had also invited me to spend a weekend at his house to "familiarize myself with the place". We spent most of our dates on outdoor activites like jogging and spend evenings at his house as he prefers to fix our own dinner. He is rather a good cook. I am 40 and he is 56 years old. When he was back in Paris for christmas holidays, he never asked me what gift i want from Paris. But he did sms me with naughty messages such as "dreaming of making love to me" etc. It seems to me that we are in a relationship, but again, he did not express it out verbally.
He did not buy me flowers on our first date, but he paid for dinner. He did not buy me chocolate but offered me his home-made chocolate. He once told me that he is not romantic. Is there a guide on dating a frenchman? It seems that he is my boyfriend, but again as if he is not.
This is a tough subject because I am not really sure about the French culture. At least he was honest about not being romantic, so I give him that one. However, he should understand that women like to be remembered and have special little gifts once in a while.
At this point in the relationship, I, like you, would want some type of verbal accepatance of the relationship on his part. I would have a talk with him and explain that you are not sure whether you are in a dating relationship or one of convenience.
Before you have this talk you must however decide whether or not you are happy with the way things are. If he will not acknowledge or commit there may be other issues that you do not know. Could he be married back in Paris? Is that the reason that the financial trail of dinners, chocolates or flowers are not bought? I am not sure, but I do think you should pinpoint him on his intentions. He owes you that!
Good luck and let me know - I am interested to find out