December 2008


Here are your questions for December 2008.

Dimiter from Kuwait asks

Well i am in a really bad position because i know it was all my fault. There is a girl i really love. Two years ago we were very very good friends. But one day i couldn't keep it in anymore and in the middle of school, shivering from fear i told her i love her in front of everyone. She just looked at me and from then she stopped talking to me.

I realized how stupid i behaved and that i made mistake by doing this. Later that day i called her and i apologized for my behavior. She said it's fine but she stopped talking to me from then on.

I love her so much and i still think there is hope. Can you help me and tell me what to do. I wanna be her friend again at least.

I will be really thankful for your advice. I know i messed up everything and i wish i could turn back the time. Thank you in advance

Sissy says

Hi Dimiter,

I hate to say this because you sound like a sweetheart that laid your heart on the line, but she has spoken volumes about how she feels. If she were interested she would not have stopped talking to you. Now, I believe that you should move on, however if you really want to give it one more shot, here's how:

Stop talking to her for a couple of weeks or months (may be tough, but you will have an answer). If she tries to call, talk to you or get in touch, completely blow her off. Be nice, but act like you have moved on. This will force her to make a decision, she will either fear that she has lost you and start trying to get you back or she will leave it alone. Since you cant make someone love you back, this is the only way that I know how to get an answer!

Good luck and feel free to contact me again

Sissy

Nick from NJ, United States asks

I've been seeing this girl and i met her online (i've checked her out i know shes not a 50 year old rapist). I'm 17-18 in july she is 14-15 this month... the real problem is that she lives in ga and im in nj i think we have fallen for each other and i don't know what to do as im going to college next year and im moving to pa with my family...im so confused help!...please

Sissy says

Hi Nick,

This is a tough one because there is a great deal of distance between the two of you. I will also warn you that in many states there are age guidelines and with you being almost 18 having an intimate relationship with her could get you in serious trouble.

You could keep the long distance relationship until she is of age and then maybe she could meet you at college! Keep talking and stay in touch, if it is meant to be, she will still be there when it is time for her to go to college!

good luck to you

Sissy

Kuaile from Singapore asks

Hi everyone. I am a asian girl from Singapore. I had worked for Americans here and is rather familiar with their styles of working. I also had an American boyfriend a few years ago. Now, I am dating a french man. He is very successful and is holding a very important position in a french company.

I realized my french boyfriend, perhaps due to language issues (he is not very fluent in English), finds it hard to express what he is trying to say. I find it difficult to acertain between a positive or negative remark from him, whether he is happy or unhappy. We are together for about 1.5 months and we have been very intimate (no physical sexual activity yet), but we kiss passtionately.

However, he has never called me "dear" or "honey" unlike my ex-american boyfriend. We do not speak on the phone everyday, we meet only once or twice a week. But we try to sms one another everyday, even if is a short one-sentence message.

We have not introduced ourselves to one anothers' friends yet. But he did tell me once or twice that, we wish that we can stay together next time and he had also invited me to spend a weekend at his house to "familiarize myself with the place". We spent most of our dates on outdoor activites like jogging and spend evenings at his house as he prefers to fix our own dinner. He is rather a good cook. I am 40 and he is 56 years old. When he was back in Paris for christmas holidays, he never asked me what gift i want from Paris. But he did sms me with naughty messages such as "dreaming of making love to me" etc. It seems to me that we are in a relationship, but again, he did not express it out verbally.

He did not buy me flowers on our first date, but he paid for dinner. He did not buy me chocolate but offered me his home-made chocolate. He once told me that he is not romantic. Is there a guide on dating a frenchman? It seems that he is my boyfriend, but again as if he is not.

Any advice?

Sissy says

Hi Kuaile,

This is a tough subject because I am not really sure about the French culture. At least he was honest about not being romantic, so I give him that one. However, he should understand that women like to be remembered and have special little gifts once in a while.

At this point in the relationship, I, like you, would want some type of verbal accepatance of the relationship on his part. I would have a talk with him and explain that you are not sure whether you are in a dating relationship or one of convenience.

Before you have this talk you must however decide whether or not you are happy with the way things are. If he will not acknowledge or commit there may be other issues that you do not know. Could he be married back in Paris? Is that the reason that the financial trail of dinners, chocolates or flowers are not bought? I am not sure, but I do think you should pinpoint him on his intentions. He owes you that!

Good luck and let me know - I am interested to find out

Sissy

Cherry from PA, United States asks

Hi i am so confused i really like this guy but hes a player...do players ever change?

It started out with us hanging out a lot and then i messed up and slept with him but i think he's good at what he does cause he told me that he didnt want a relationship right now for one reason or another and i said ok but however we did sleep together and he told me that he had no intentions of sleeping with me which i want to believe him cause he even confided in me telling me things im sure he didnt tell anyone else.. but he still hung around after that and we slept together again and now i am pregnant and hes acting like a real jerk sometimes telling me he hopes i miscarry and that he dont know if its his and things like that but then other times he tells me that im his now cause im carrying his child and told me that if i found someone else hed be mad.

He's always got girls texting him and i get a little upset but sometimes i think he likes it. The one time i was talking to this guy on the computer and he mentioned wanting to have sex with me he shut my computer off and told me that i shouldnt talk to people like that now i dont know cause the only time he does this is when hes drinking he doesnt act that way any other time the only thing he did say when he was sober what that hed get mad if i found someone else. but most of that stuff happened before i got pregnant like i said now he just makes the remarks about me being his cause im carrying his child.. and i dont know how he feels about this he has told me that he doesnt want to have the child cause he always pictured him being married or at least in love that he dont like me that way but he cares a lot for me as a friend and he didnt want a kid with me but when hes drinking he told me i wasnt aloud to smoke while carrying his child please help me make sense of this i am so confused on everything...thank you so much

Sissy says

Hi Cherry,

I am sorry that you are having to go through this and being pregnant. Pregnancy is hard enough and then to have to contend with someone like the father is even worse. Some players do change, but it generally takes many years! I believe that you should leave him behind, even though there is a child involved.

Any father that would hope that you would miscarry is not worthy of the breath in his body. That is your child that he is talking about, do not put up with it. If he says that now, can you imagine the abuse that he would inflict with his mouth after the child is born? Take him to court, get support and send him on his way. You will be better off, I promise. You deserve better and so does your child.

Good luck to you and know I am here for you!

Sissy

Michelle from Western Cape, South Africa asks

Dear Sissy,

I'm a young teenage girl and I'm very sad because I want to be in a relationship. I go to tons of sites and they talk about how to kiss and it makes me sad because I don't have a guy and I've never kissed anyone but I want to. There are many guys who like me, even one who says he loves me eventhough I'm only 12, but none of them like me for who I am. They only think I'm pretty... But can you please help me? Answer as soon as possible, I need serious help!

Sissy says

Hi Michelle,

Sorry it took me so long to respond - family issues! This is a tough time because you are maturing and noticing boys! Dont worry so much about kissing someone, I promise you it will come.

What is wrong with the guys that like you? You say that they only like you because they think that your pretty - that is the law of attraction and how most people start dating. I do however wish to commend you on the fact of wanting men to respect you. I really wished that I could give that to so many women twice your age! Your awesome! Let me know if I can do anything else for you!

Sissy

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